


Kiss From a Rose

by sweet_poeia



Category: Adam Lambert (Musician), American Idol RPF, Kris Allen (Musician)
Genre: Community: kradam_kiss, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-28
Updated: 2011-10-28
Packaged: 2017-10-25 00:43:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/269761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweet_poeia/pseuds/sweet_poeia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Some people looked forward to carnation day all year; for others, it was a personal hell.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Kiss From a Rose

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lexiewallace](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=lexiewallace).



> Written for lexiewallace, who generously donated to krisfansunite in exchange for this fic. High school AU with ever so much fluff and romance. Title from the song by Seal.

Some people looked forward to carnation day all year; for others, it was a personal hell.

The concept was innocent enough: raise money for the school’s arts programs by selling carnations. Yellow signified friendship, red was for love, purple, a secret admirer, etc. You could place your order with any member of the drama club, and on carnation day they would be delivered to students throughout the school day.

Naturally, it turned into something of a competition. Who would be showered with carnations? Who would...not?

At Mt. Carmel Junior and Senior High, carnation day happened in May. Because, apparently, Valentine’s Day just wasn’t enough; there needed to be two special days every year to remind Adam Lambert how very lonely he was.

Adam made it through the first year without a single carnation. It wasn’t a big deal in seventh grade. Mostly the girls sent them to one another and the boys rolled their eyes. Evan Cleary got a red one, but it was widely rumored that his mom had sent it.

Adam didn’t blame Evan’s mom. Adam would have sent Evan a red one if he could.

By eighth grade, carnations were crossing gender lines. Adam got a few yellow ones from girls in the drama club.

Freshman year, he got a purple one. The purple ones came with a secret admirer note in a little envelope and cost extra. His heart stopped when he read the note: Adam, meet me by the back gym door after school if you like what I think you like. Signed, not a girl.

For the briefest moment he imagined Evan Cleary waiting there for him with a red carnation. Then reality resumed and he became aware of Evan and a few other boys on the JV baseball team watching him and smirking from the other side of the room. He tossed the carnation and the note in the trash can on his way out the door to the soundtrack of their laughter, and at lunch he asked Megan to the winter dance.

Sophomore year he skipped school and missed carnation day altogether. He ate a gallon of Cherry Garcia and watched The Princess Bride twice.

It was a long time before there was another boy Adam longed to send a carnation to. That changed in October of his junior year, when Kris Allen moved to Mt. Carmel from Arkansas.

Adam had literally stopped in his tracks the first time he saw Kris in the hall, all fluffy hair and enormous brown eyes. Adam pretended to look at a poster on the wall while he took in the new guy’s faded jeans and his Michael Jackson t-shirt. He carried a guitar case in one hand, and Adam was pretty sure he saw hand-drawn music notes on the papers sticking out of his army green messenger bag.

“Excuse me,” Kris had said in a deep drawl that went straight to Adam’s knees, “I’m looking for the choir room?”

It just so happened Adam was on his way to practice, so naturally he escorted Kris there personally, learning along the way that Kris had just moved from Arkansas and that his family lived next door to Mrs. Bardini, the choir teacher, who had asked him to accompany on the ‘60’s medley.

During rehearsal, Adam couldn’t take his eyes off of Kris’s hands, so sure and capable on the strings. It was easy to stare, since Kris mostly played with his eyes closed. He was still staring after practice, so he saw the way Kris blushed when Katy O’Connell smiled and told him he sounded amazing, tiny manicured hand resting briefly on his arm. He was still staring at lunch the next day when Katy led Kris to her table by the hand. When Adam saw the team basketball jersey Kris was wearing, he sighed, shook his head slightly at Alisan, and resolutely looked away.

So no. He wouldn’t be sending any red carnations to Kris Allen.

***

Kris’s transition to California life wasn’t as difficult as he thought it would be. There were some things that were worse, like the way everyone had to say something about his accent. There were some things that were better, like the avocados and the weather and being so close to the beach. But mostly a lot of things were the same. He was still the shortest guy on the basketball team, Daniel was still a dick, and Mt. Carmel High had basically the same groups as his school in Arkansas. And just like in Arkansas, he didn’t really fit very neatly into any of them.

It was only two days before someone cracked the first High School Musical joke.

When they moved, he had thought about giving up basketball. He wasn’t exactly passionate about it or anything--baseball was more his thing. But his dad looked sad when he suggested it, and his mom thought it would be “a great way to meet people and make friends,” so he joined the team. And it’s not like he was going to give up music, so.

The music people were really the nicest. He felt right at home in the orchestra, where thankfully his viola didn’t have an accent. The choir kids adopted him right away, and they seemed to like him fine, accent and all. Especially Katy O’Connell. She was one of the few who seemed to belong to every group; choir, drama, mathletes, student government, homecoming court. She was pretty and outgoing, and she reminded Kris a little bit of his mom. Not that he would ever tell anyone that, because. Well. He totally meant it in a good way, though.

He was grateful to Katy O’Connell for grabbing him at lunch on his second day and pulling him to her table. Nothing worse than facing a sea of strangers in a school cafeteria. Okay, maybe sea of strangers was an exaggeration. He recognized a few people from classes, some guys from basketball tryouts were there, and there was Adam from choir sitting at a table nearby. Adam’s table seemed very colorful, even though they were wearing a lot of black. Kris tried to catch his attention to wave, but Adam was really intent on picking something out of his salad. The girl next to him saw, though, and she waved back before whispering something to Adam. She had curly brown hair and an easy smile.

“Oh, do you know Alisan?” asked Katy.

“What? Oh, no,” Kris began, but Katy was already waving Alisan over. She slid into the seat across from him.

“Hey, cutie!” Alisan grinned, and Kris blushed.

“Alisan! You’re scaring him!” Katy turned to Kris. “Alisan would flirt with a French fry. Ignore it.”

Alisan sighed. “She’s right. So you’re Kris from Arkansas! I heard a lot about you. From, um, the choir people. Guitar, huh? You should meet Tommy! He plays too. Mostly metal though. He’s trying to start up a band. Got an amazing lead singer.” She gestured to Adam.

“Oh, Adam really is amazing!” Katy gushed. “He stars in, like, every musical. Did you hear we’re doing Phantom in the spring? I’d die to play Christine, but I guess Pia’s got a lock on that. Oh, Alisan, wouldn’t Adam be a perfect phantom?”

Alisan enthusiastically agreed just as the bell rang. Kris glanced at Adam, with his sweet smile and freckles and his reddish blond hair. He couldn’t really picture it, to be honest.

Kris changed his mind at the next choir practice, after he heard Adam’s solo. With a voice like that? Adam could be anything.

Kris caught up with Adam after practice to tell him so. “Seriously, man, I’ve never heard anyone sing like that in real life. That was. Wow.”

Adam flushed pink with what Kris figured was a mix of pleasure and embarrassment, so he changed the subject slightly, and they ended up talking for an hour about music, first in the parking lot and then at a little diner near the school with Katy and some other choir people.

Everyone gave Kris a hard time for not especially liking country music. “No wonder they kicked you out of Arkansas,” Katy teased. “Well, it looks like I’ll be able to say I knew two rock stars when.” She nudged Adam and got him to tell a little about the band he was starting up with Tommy and some older guy named Monte.

“We’ve got vocals and guitar covered. Monte’s lead, and Tommy’s on bass. We lost our keyboard player, though,” Adam was saying.

“Keyboard?”

“Yeah. I don’t suppose you play piano too,” Adam laughed.

“Well. Um. Actually. A little.”

Adam’s eyes widened, and he shook his head. “Of course you do. Look, would you be at all interested--”

“Yes! Are you kidding? Just tell me when, man, I’m there.”

Adam smiled at him warmly. “Friday night. Monte’s garage.” Something behind Kris caught Adam’s eye. He looked down and began toying with his straw wrapper.

“Goldilocks! Just the lady I was hoping to see!” Evan Cleary slid into the booth next to Katy, all dimples and boyish charm. “Allen.” Evan looked surprised to see Kris there. “Don’t tell me they’re recruiting you for the gleeks. No offense,” he said to the rest of the table, flashing his dimples again.

There was an awkward silence that Evan didn’t seem to notice. “Kris is just playing guitar for one of our numbers,” Katy said somewhat icily. “I’m sure it won’t get in the way of basketball.”

“Guitar, huh? That’s cool.” He glanced at Kris with mild interest, then turned his attention back to Katy. “So, the fall dance is coming up. Would you do me the honor?”

Katy was still for a moment. Kris could see the panic in her eyes. “That’s nice of you to ask me Evan, but, I, um--I can’t.”

Evan looked confused. “What? Why not?”

There was a long, awkward pause.

“Because she’s going with me.” Kris was more surprised than anyone to hear himself say the words, but he tried to remain calm and composed. Evan’s eyebrows shot up, Adam couldn’t suppress a smirk, and Katy beamed at Kris.

“That’s right,” she said. “He, um, just asked me.” Alisan giggled at the other end of the table.

“Oh.” Evan looked stunned. Apparently the dimples were not accustomed to rejection. “Well.” He looked at Kris again, this time with a bit more interest. “Maybe next time, then.” Composure recovered, he winked at Katy, slid out of the booth, and went back to join Danny and Cale at their table.

“Thank you so much!” said Katy. “You’re an angel. And...and you don’t really have to go with me...”

“No, no, I want to! I mean, that is, unless you--I mean you really don’t have to, I was just trying to get you out of--” Kris stammered.

“No, I do! I do. Kris, I would love to go with you to the dance.”

“Well, that’s settled,” Alisan said. “And I’ve had all the adorable I can stand for one day, so I’ll be on my merry way.”

The rest of them left, and Kris drove Katy home. He felt a little shy at first. Somehow he’d landed a date with one of the most popular girls in school. Seriously, no one back in Arkansas would ever believe this, he thought. Charles would probably make plans to move to California immediately and woo west coast girls with his southern wiles. But Katy was easy to talk to, and he was really glad that he had helped her out.

The dance was a lot of fun, too. They doubled with Adam and Alisan. Kris would have been. content just to hang out with Adam and talk about the band, but the girls wanted to dance. Kris felt self-conscious at first; Charles had once told him he looked like a tennis ball bouncing around the dance floor. Adam and Alisan were amazing, though. Watching Adam dance was like listening to him sing; he was transformed. All the girls wanted a turn with him, and Kris was happy to take a break with Alisan and watch him dance with Katy.

“How does he even do that with his hips?” Kris wondered, and Alisan smiled at him thoughtfully.

“Uh oh, Allen, looks like you lost your girl.” It was Danny.

“I don’t think he needs to worry. She’ll be more than safe with Madam Adam,” said Evan. “If you know what I mean.”

“Fuck off, Evan,” Alisan said.

Evan raised an eyebrow. “Ooh, someone sounds frustrated. Maybe you need to find a boyfriend who’s up to the challenge. What about Allen, here?”

“Come on, man. We’re just trying to enjoy the dance, here, okay?” Kris put his hand on Alisan’s back to steer her away, but Evan draped an arm around him. This close, Kris could see his blood shot eyes and smell alcohol on his breath.

“You take this one home, leave Goldilocks to me. Win win, the way I see it,” Evan offered conversationally.

Kris jerked away. “Get him out of here,” he said to Danny. “Now.”

“Aww, he’s just joking around.” Danny adjusted his glasses, frowning. “C’mon, Evan. Let’s go.” They staggered off.

“Asshole,” seethed Alisan. “Why can’t he just leave him alone?”

It took Kris a second to figure out what she meant. “You mean Adam?”

She nodded, tears welling up in her eyes. “Yeah. Katy can take care of herself. She knows Evan’s a ball of slime. But Adam...” Alisan sighed. “He really lets those creeps get to him when they say that kind of shit. He’s so sensitive, he’s just like a big giant heart on legs.”

“Really long legs,” Kris mumbled absently, gazing out at the dance floor. Alisan stared at him again, amused. “What?” he asked.

“Nothing.” She shook her head, laughing. “I was just thinking about how glad I am you moved here, that’s all.”

Kris tried to avoid Evan after that, which wasn’t easy, especially during practice. He started noticing things, though, like the way Adam always looked away when Evan and Danny were around, and the way Adam would move slightly to the side when they passed him in the hall, head down. He noticed that Adam’s fingernails were bitten to the quick, and that Evan never addressed Adam, but looked right through him, lip curled up as though he smelled something bad. Kris wasn’t an idiot. He knew why. He saw the limp wrist jokes, caught the innuendos. It pissed Kris off. Adam was the nicest guy, and funny, and unbelievably talented.

Basketball season ended, and Friday nights were devoted to band practice. For Kris, it was the best night of the week. They hung out at Monte’s house--his wife, Lisa, was really cool and didn’t mind--and even though Kris was technically keyboards, they spent a lot of time sitting around Monte’s living room with guitars, jamming and working on stuff. And Adam would sing. Kris could listen to Adam sing forever.

At Monte’s, Adam was a lot more relaxed than he was at school. He laughed a lot, and Kris liked the way even his laugh sounded like music. He talked more, too, and the way he listened so intently when Kris spoke made Kris feel kind of awesome. It wasn’t like that with his friends in Arkansas. With them it was mostly about hanging out, playing video games, talking about girls.

Tommy talked about girls. Like, all the time. Adam would listen, twisting the silver ring he always wore, without comment. Kris tried to steer the subject in a different direction when he could. Tommy was just as happy to talk about zombies or John Wayne. When it was just him and Adam, they talked about other things.

December passed, and then January, and Kris was starting to feel at home in California. His family went to the same church as the O’Connells, so he spent a good amount of time with Katy, and they got to be good friends but they never got around to going out on any more actual dates. That seemed to suit them both just fine.

In February baseball season started up, and it felt good to be back out on the field, even if it did mean less time for music and, unfortunately, more time with Evan.

Kris took a certain pleasure in striking Evan out whenever he got the chance during practice. The coach said he never seen such steely determination in a pitcher before.

***

Another Valentine’s Day dawned, and Adam allowed himself just five minutes to lie in bed and wallow in all the reasons he hated the day. Then he allowed himself another fifteen minutes to imagine a life where he wasn’t the only gay guy he knew, where he could go on dates with someone other than his best friend, where he could have an actual, honest-to-god kiss that didn’t involve his own arm. And while he was fantasizing, a blow job would be really fucking fantastic too.

He tried, he really tried to keep Kris out of those fantasies. It it felt wrong somehow to use his friend, his straight friend, like that. But baseball season had started up, and yesterday he had seen Kris in his skin tight white pants for the first time and well...Adam was only human. These days, even Leonardo DiCaprio was no match for Kris Allen in his dreams.

Finally he got up and headed to the shower, knowing that if he didn’t beat Neil to it he’d have to wait half an hour while Neil jerked off to the Playboy he kept in there under the old beach towels. Adam avoided his reflection until after his shower, when the steam clouded the mirror just enough to give the illusion of clear skin without freckles.

All in all, it was a relatively uneventful school day. By the time he left school, he was feeling pretty cheerful. Alisan had a date with Anoop, a guy from another school, and he was going over to do her makeup. He was really glad she was going out on a real date, for a change. He felt guilty that she went to so many things with him, but she insisted that she always had a better time with him anyway. But this Anoop guy, Adam had a feeling it was different with him, and he was really excited for her.

Adam had been late that morning. The main lot was full, so he’d parked by the baseball field. He made a point of not looking at the players as he passed, but they were gathered by the fence drinking cups of water from a cooler. He fumbled around in his pocket for his car key, but it wasn’t there. He started searching the pockets of his bag.

“Hey Madam! Why don’t you just use your wings and fly there?” Danny’s voice cut across the field. Some of the guys stood there awkwardly. A few smirked. Evan gave him a high five. Cale shook his head at Danny in disgust. “Not cool, asshole,” he said as he walked off.

“What! I’m just kidding!” Danny looked wounded. “He knows it’s just a joke. Sheesh, lighten up.”

Adam was about to give up, go inside and check his locker for his keys, when his fingertips brushed metal. He got inside as quickly as he could, but before he could leave there was a tap on the window. He rolled it down and Kris leaned in.

“Some people are just a waste of glasses,” Kris said matter-of-factly. “I’m pretty sure there’s a sonic wedgie in his near future, if that’s any consolation.”

Adam laughed. “Yeah, it kind of is.”

“Where you off too?”

“Alisan’s.”

“Wish I could go, too. Hanging out with you would be a lot more fun than this.” Kris wrinkled his nose at his dirty uniform. A whistle blew. “But duty calls. Tell Alisan I said hey.” Kris started back to the field, then turned back. In a loud voice, he called, “See you Friday night.” He waved, and Adam waved back.

Friday night. Band practice. Adam didn’t stop smiling the whole way to Alisan’s.

***

“So spill. What’s that goofy little smile about?” Alisan looked up at Adam as carefully brushed highlighter on her browbones.

“Close your eyes,” he instructed, and she obeyed. He reached for the liner. “It’s nothing. Just. I saw Kris just now, and he was really great.”

Her eyes popped open. “Oh?”

“Not like that. I mean, I know he’s straight and everything. He’s just a good friend is all.” He paused. “I don’t have a lot of friends who are guys, you know? Not at school. But Kris, he doesn’t act like--”

“Like an asshole? No. He’s a sweetie, for sure. With excellent taste in friends, I might add, because you are a prince.” She closed her eyes again, and he kissed her forehead, then gently smudged peacock blue along her lash line.

“So why are you so sure? That Kris is straight, I mean.”

Adam sighed. “Well for one, because everyone is? At least it seems that way. And because he has a girlfriend, and--”

“What girlfriend? You mean Katy?”

“Obviously. Suck in your cheeks.” He dipped a brush in contouring powder.

“Katy is his friend. And a girl. But they aren’t like that, they don’t go on dates. Kris hasn’t been out with any other girls, either.”

“So? He’s really busy. That doesn’t mean--”

“It means he doesn’t have a girlfriend.”

Adam silently highlighted her cheekbones.

“He uses every excuse to touch you. Do you see the way he looks at you? He looks at you like you invented music.”

“Alisan. He does not.”

“Boys are so stupid,” she muttered, then held still as he brushed shimmery gloss on her lips.

***

Auditions for the spring musical were in March, and it was a surprise to no one when Adam was cast as the phantom of the opera and Pia Toscano was cast as Christine. Ms. Abdul, the drama teacher, had basically chosen the show because she knew she would never have two such talented singers again. Adam was excited, sure, but he was also a little glum as he sprawled across Alisan’s bed after school.

“Look at me, Alisan. I don’t look like the phantom. Even with a mask, I’m just...”

“Apple pie?” Alisan teased. “Aww, honey. With that voice you could have green hair and no one would care.”

“I care,” mumbled Adam, and he suddenly sat up and reached for his backpack. He pulled out a box and tossed it to her, chewing his bottom lip.

Alisan read from the box: “Loreal Paris Feria Multi-Faceted Shimmering Color 21 Starry Night. Oh. Oh!” Her eyes grew wide. “Seriously?”

“I’m going to do it. Will you help me?” His voice only wobbled a little.

Forty-five minutes later, Adam lifted his head from under the bathtub faucet, toweled off the excess water, and slicked his hair back with his fingers.

He turned to Alisan. “Well?” His voice was hoarse, uncertain.

Alisan wordlessly steered Adam to the mirror.

The Adam who looked back at him didn’t look like apple pie. He looked like Elvis Fucking Presley.

***

Adam might not have had the nerve to dye his hair without the convenient excuse of the play. He could justify it as sort of a costume piece, right? But the thing was, the black hair didn’t feel like a disguise. It felt more like he was taking off a mask.

Besides Alisan and his family, the first ones to see it were the guys in the band. Monte raised an eyebrow then nodded his approval. Tommy said, “Fuck it all, I’m going blond.” Kris’s reaction was best of all. He reached up to touch it, then said, “It looks like you,” before he blushed and stuffed his hand in his pocket.

Adam walked a little taller on Monday, kind of enjoying the shocked reactions at school. For once, he didn’t sneak a glance at Evan in Biology. He didn’t have to. He knew they were staring. He knew, and he was totally okay with it.

After class, Kris and Katy were waiting at the door for him. Kris punched him on the shoulder playfully and said to Katy, “See? What’d I tell you?” Katy squealed and told him he looked like a Jonas.

“Guys? It’s just hair.” But he was pleased.

The next day he wore his Queen t-shirt to school (the one he never wore to school, because seriously, wearing a shirt with the word Queen on it was just asking for it) and the boots he had been saving to wear when the band got some gigs. They made him really tall. Way taller than Evan.

When he was wearing the boots, Kris just reached his shoulder. When Kris hugged him (which never ceased to thrill Adam, the way Kris was just so open and casual about it) his face planted right in Adam’s armpit. Adam made a point to smell as good as possible, in the event of Kris hugs. He knew, of course, that the hugs didn’t mean anything. But they meant everything.

Between Phantom rehearsals all week and band practice at Monte’s on Friday nights, Adam felt like he was riding a constant wave of music, and it felt amazing. He gelled his hair, painted his nails black, and sang his heart out every night, and for the first time in along time, he imagined himself at the center of his own future.

***

Kris had never exactly been a fan of musical theater, but he couldn’t help the feeling of excitement that swept over him opening night. He knew the music inside out and backwards from orchestra practice, but he’d had to miss both dress rehearsals for the final two baseball games, and tonight would be both his first time performing with the cast and his first time actually seeing the show.

Kris had been so busy with orchestra and baseball, and Adam had been so busy with the musical, that they’d had to put the band on hiatus for the time being, and Kris had only seen Adam in passing at school lately. He found himself thinking about him all the time, wondering what Adam would think of this or that. He missed his laugh.

Katy and Alisan were in the chorus, and they looked beautiful in their gowns. Pia really was as good as everyone said, too. But nothing prepared him for when Adam took the stage.

It was a good thing Kris knew the music so well, because he played on auto pilot. From the moment he heard Adam’s silken voice drifting through the mist, he was in another place. As the Phantom, Adam embodied pain and loneliness, power and grace. Kris’s heart filled and broke along with the character on stage, and at the end of the show when the actors came out to smile and bow to wild applause, Kris felt jerked back to reality and the dusty high school auditorium.

There was a cast and crew party at Pia’s house, and Kris went right to Adam to tell him how great he was. When he looked up at Adam, his blue eyes still lined and shadowed and startlingly pretty, Kris couldn’t find words, so he just shook his head and hugged Adam tight, hoping he would get the message. When Kris pulled away, he noticed for the first time that a boy was standing by Adam’s side. He was small, smaller than Kris even, with bright blond hair and a sunny smile. His nose was pierced, and there was a tattoo peeking out of the collar of his leather jacket.

“Kris, this is Sauli,” Adam said. “He’s from Finland, and he’s been staying with Pia’s family for a couple of weeks with the cultural exchange program.” He looked down at Sauli’s, eyes soft. “Sauli, this is my friend Kris.”

“I am pleased to meet you, Kris,” Sauli said. He shook Kris’s hand, then casually hooked an arm around Adam’s waist. Adam only hesitated a second before he draped his arm across Sauli’s shoulders. His eyes were bright, and the flush in his cheeks wasn’t all from the stage makeup. Kris thought he saw Adam’s black- tipped hand trembling a little where it rested on Sauli’s shoulder, but Adam stood with his back straight and his head high, and his arm didn’t move.

Kris felt as thought the air had been sucked out of the room. He stared at them for an awkward amount of time before he mumbled something about finding Katy. He turned from Adam’s hurt expression and left them. When he glanced back, Sauli was already leading Adam in the other direction.

He ran straight into Pia.

“So, I see you met Adam’s new friend.” She wiggled her eyebrows. “Aren’t they the cutest? I’m so glad Adam’s finally being, you know. Open about things.”

When Kris didn’t answer, Pia’s eyes widened. “Oh. You knew, right? About Adam?”

“What? Umm, yeah, sure. I just. Is there a bathroom, or...”

Pia pointed him in the general direction. In the bathroom, Kris splashed cold water on his face and stayed there as long as he could. Adam was gay. It’s not like that was a surprise or anything. They had never talked about it, because Adam never brought it up and it wasn’t a big deal or anything. But now Adam must think that Kris thought it was a big deal, and...Kris was officially the worst friend ever.

“What the heck’s wrong with you?” he asked himself in the mirror, and with a deep breath he resolved to find Adam and make everything right.

When he opened the door he saw Adam’s back at the end of the hall, unmistakable with his broad shoulders and jet black hair. Kris headed toward him.

“Adam!” he called, and Adam turned slightly, startled. His lips were bright red, his shirt was partially unbuttoned, and a considerably less sunny-looking Sauli peered at Kris from where Adam held him pressed him against the wall.

Kris froze, and instantly that feeling washed over him again. He wanted to grab Sauli, pull him away from Adam, and personally throw him all the way back to Finland.

“Kris, what--”

Kris shook his head furiously. “No. No,” he said, and he turned on his heel and headed for the front door.

No one tried to stop him.

At home, Kris locked himself in his room. He lay awake most of the night, images running through his head of Adam kissing Sauli, Adam’s hands on Saul’s shoulders pressing him against the wall, Sauli’s fingers unbuttoning Adam’s shirt...alternating with one stark, clear realization: Kris wanted it to be him. He wanted to be the one pressed to the wall, wanted to feel Adam’s big hands on his wrists and Adam’s lips on his. He imagined what it would be like for Adam to be on top of him, freckled arms braced and muscles firm and flexed, and Kris was rock-hard so fast it made him dizzy. He came in record time, gasping and thinking only of Adam, but after only a few moments of bliss he remembered Sauli, and he curled up tight under the covers, an awful feeling in his chest.

He tried to stay busy the next day. In the morning he helped his dad paint the kitchen the buttery yellow his mom had picked out. He tried to start writing an English paper that wasn’t due for two weeks, but he just ended up googling Finland and then, after carefully checking that he was alone in the house, gay porn. Kris had looked at porn before. He hadn’t really gotten into it, telling himself that it wasn’t sexy because it wasn’t real, that the women and men were just doing it for the money, and it was kind of sad, really. But this? This totally did it for him. He felt as though he’d been catapulted into a new dimension, and every single nerve ending in his body was on fire.

Kris spent a lot of time thinking that day. He kept waiting to freak out, but that never happened.  
How, he wondered, did I not know this about myself? How is it possible to be seventeen years old without knowing? Ever practical, Kris decided it was better that he figured it out now and not later, when he was maybe even married.

He checked his phone for messages until it was time to leave for the show, and he was simultaneously relieved and disappointed that there wasn’t anything from Adam. Kris scrolled back through his texts from Adam, mostly about band practice and music and movies and school stuff. He had saved every one. The last one, in response to Kris’s break-a-leg text on opening night, said, break a bow! c u @ Pia’s. new freind i want u 2 mt.

Kris didn’t see Adam backstage, and when the show started and Adam entered, it was just like the night before. Adam owned the stage, and Kris played his heart out accompanying him.

As he was packing up his viola and working up his nerve to approach Adam, Katy ran over in a cloud of powder and perfume to ask for a ride home. “There’s a party at Matt’s tonight, but I have to be up early in the morning for church, and I figured you might, too,” she said, and Kris said sure, he would be glad to drive her home.

As they left together, they passed Adam, who stiffened and started to turn away.

“Adam!” Katy called, squeezing him tight. “You were amazing, as usual.” She looked around. “Did your--um, Sauli see the show again?”

Kris flinched, and Adam frowned at Kris before he answered. “Yeah. He did. I mean he’s staying with Pia’s family, so.”

Katy giggled. “Adam, I’m pretty sure he didn’t come again just to see Pia.” She squeezed Adam’s arm fondly.

Adam blushed a little. “Yeah, well.” he shifted. “Katy, I just want to say, it really means a lot how cool you are with. Everything. You’re a good friend.” He kissed her on the cheek and left without another glance at Kris.

Kris felt like he had been punched in the gut. He stood staring after Adam until he realized that Katy was watching him.

“Okay,” she said slowly. “You can tell me all about it in the car.”

Kris thought it was kind of funny that telling a girl he had kind of dated that he was sick with jealousy over a guy wasn’t even the weirdest thing that had happened to him that weekend. But it was easy to talk to Katy, and he trusted her, and it all came out as the sat in the driveway of her parents’ house.

He couldn’t help noticing that she didn’t seem very surprised. “Tell him,” she said simply.

***

Kris tried to talk to him. He really did. He waited for Adam after the closing matinee, but he was surrounded by family members. Sauli was with him, too. Kris watched Adam’s parents and wondered if they knew about Adam and Sauli, what they thought about it. He thought of his own parents, and what it would be like to have Adam over to the house to meet them. Maybe have dinner.

Monday after school he waited by Adam’s locker, but when he came Kris couldn’t think what to say. He watched Adam unload his bag in silence.

Finally Adam spoke. “What do you want, Kris?” Maybe Adam was trying for callous, but to Kris he just sounded hurt.

“I want--I was just...I was wondering about band practice Friday,” Kris said weakly.

Adam closed the locker and considered Kris for a moment. “You still want to be in the band with me?”

Before Kris could answer, Adam continued, “Because I got the impression the other night that maybe you wouldn’t.” Adam ran a hand through his hair. “Look, Kris. I’m sorry if it freaked you out, maybe I should have said something instead of just, you know. Coming out like that. But it took me a really, really long time, you know? And there’s no going back. I don’t want to go back. Even if. Even if I lose a friend. So yeah, practice is on for Friday. You still want to come?”

Kris would curse himself a thousand times for the words that came tumbling out of his mouth without his consent: “Will Sauli be there?”

Adam shook his head, lips tight. “No, Kris. Sauli won’t be there. Sauli will be back in Finland by then. But you know what? I’ll still be gay.” He turned and strode down the hall, leaving Kris in a big steaming cloud of his own stupidity.

The next three days passed miserably. Adam was never at lunch, and he wasn’t at the usual places after school. On Thursday, when he was passing by Adam’s locker for the third time, Alisan came up and linked arms with him.

“Walk with me,” she said. “So, how’s it going?”

Kris just shook his head.

“Silent type, huh? Seriously, if boys would just talk about things once in a while things would be so much simpler.”

He looked at her blankly.

“Talk,” she said. “To Adam. He sure as hell won’t listen to me.”

“Alisan, he won’t even be in the same room with me, how am I supposed to--”

“He’s miserable, you know.”

Kris felt that familiar tightening in his stomach. “Yeah. He misses Sauli.”

Alisan stopped and turned to face him.

“No, Kris. Adam misses you.”

“What? But I’m right here!”

“Adam has been gone on you since he first laid eyes on you. You’re, like, the man of his dreams. You think a few kisses with a cute boy who lives an another continent can even begin to compete with that?”

Kris tried to take everything in. “Wait. How did you know that I--is it that obvious?”

“Honey. Did you ever hear the expression ‘written all over his face’?”

***

Friday morning Kris got to school so early that the janitor unlocked the door to let him in. No way was Adam going to avoid him today. He waited by Adam’s locker, scanning the hall and prepared to chase him down if he tried to slip away.

“Mind if I give you a little friendly advice?”

Evan stood in front of Kris, blocking his view. Kris impatiently shook his head. “I kind of do mind. No thanks.”

Evan continued, undeterred. “I’d be a little more careful who I hung out with if I were you. Wouldn’t want to give people the wrong idea.” Kris tried to move away, but Danny was on his other side.

“It’s just because we’re worried about you, buddy,” Danny said, and his sincerity might have been funny if Evan hadn’t moved closer, backing Kris up against the wall and putting a hand on his shoulder.

“It is the wrong idea, isn’t it, Allen?” Evan’s eyes were cold and narrow, and then suddenly they were wide and surprised as he was yanked away from Kris and slammed against the lockers. The metal clang reverberated in the nearly empty hall.

“Shit,” Evan whimpered. Kris could see him trembling. Adam stood with his hand fisted in Evan’s collar, perfectly still and composed except for his blazing eyes.

Adam spoke softly. “If you ever touch him again, if you even so much as speak to him, I will fucking end you.”

Evan nodded frantically. After a few more seconds, Adam released Evan, but Evan didn’t move. “Go,” Adam dismissed him, and Evan and Danny were gone in an instant.

Adam watched them go before he turned to Kris. “You all right?” Adam asked.

Kris’s knees were shaking a little and he seemed to have lost his voice, but yeah, he was all right. He nodded.

“I know you could have handled them, I just. I thought that it was kind of my fault, what they were saying, so. Sorry. About everything.” As Adam spoke, he opened his locker and took out some books. “See you, Kris.”

Still helplessly silent, Kris watched as Adam walked down the hall, completely unaware that he was taking Kris’s heart with him.

A group of girls passed by, pushing a cart laden with carnations of every color. Kris had forgotten. It was carnation day.

***

The students in Adam’s Government class cheered when the carnation trolley stopped outside the classroom door. Mr. Seacrest pretended to be exasperated, but it was obvious that he didn’t really mind the interruption. As usual, Adam got lots of pink and yellow carnations from his girls in choir and drama, and a red one from Pia, who signed it “Forever yours, Christine.”

Even after all these years he got a twinge when he saw the purple ones, and he breathed a little sigh of relief when he didn’t get one. As he listened to the trolley squeak its way down the hall, he felt a pang for all the time he had spent longing for love to arrive in carnation form.

“All right,” said Mr. Seacrest, “Back to work, guys.” But he was interrupted by a knock on the classroom door. “What now?” he grumbled.

He opened the door to reveal a uniformed woman holding an enormous bouquet of red roses.

“Flower delivery for Adam Lambert,” she said crisply. There were catcalls and a few oohs and aahs throughout the room. Adam sat frozen, but someone must have pointed her in the right direction, because she laid the bouquet on his desk with a smile, said “Enjoy!” and left the room as quickly as she had come.

There was a card attached to the paper. In a little white envelope. Adam had reason to fear those little white envelopes. He considered his options. Throw it away? Flush it down the toilet? Open it, then beat the living shit out of Evan and Danny? But as he contemplated it, it slowly dawned on him that it really was just a piece of paper. And he wasn’t afraid of what might be on it. Not anymore.

He opened it and slowly removed the card.

Adam,  
I thought about sending you a yellow carnation, but I didn’t want you to get the wrong idea. I thought about sending a purple carnation, but I don’t want it to be a secret. I thought about sending a red carnation, but you deserve so much more. I hope these are better at saying what is in my heart than my stupid mouth is.  
Kris

Adam became aware that people were leaving the room. The bell must have rung. Kris was standing outside the door, nervously peering in.

Adam gathered his books and the flowers and moved toward him. He led Kris to an empty alcove. “Is this for real?” he asked softly.

Kris nodded. “So real. Really, really real.” He blushed. “I sound like an idiot again. But I don’t care. I want to be in the band with you, and I want you to come to my house and meet my mom, and I want to go to the prom with you, and--”

“Okay.”

“And I want everyone to know that those are from me. And not from him.”

“Sauli?”

“Could we stop talking about him now?” Kris’s fists were balling up at his sides.

“I--really? That was--are you saying you were--you were jealous? Of Sauli?” Adam’s eyes were huge. “I thought--”

“Yeah, I know. I’m sorry.” Kris shuffled his feet.

“Jealous,” Adam repeated. “Because of...” Adam shook his head. “Kris, right now Sauli is on the other side of the world. And don’t get me wrong, we had fun and I’m really glad I met him and all, but--”

“You kissed him,” Kris blurted.

“Yeah, but--”

“I wish I could be your first.” Kris looked up at him helplessly, apologetically.

“Oh, Kris.” Adam cupped a hand on Kris’s cheek. “Believe me. You are.”

Kris moved closer, turning his face up to Adam’s, eyes on Adam’s lush, freckled lips.

“I’m not going to kiss you now,” said Adam.

The color drained from Kris’s cheeks. “Oh.”

“I don’t want our first kiss to be in this school. So we’re ditching class now so I can take you somewhere where I can kiss you. Okay?”

Kris nodded, a smile lighting his eyes. “Okay.”

***

Ten minutes later, they were driving in Adam’s car, hands firmly clasped. Adam pulled into a small parking lot and turned off the engine. Kris reached for him, but Adam shook his head. “Not here.”

He pulled Kris out of the car and onto a path that led through a wooded area. Kris backed Adam up against a large tree and moved close, close enough to smell Adam’s cologne, all vanilla and spice. Adam laughed and said, “Not here.”

He led Kris to a bank beside a stream. He could hear the water rippling and birds singing, and all around them were new leaves of the most evanescent spring green, fresh and new.

Adam pulled Kris to him. “Here,” he said.

“Here,” Kris agreed, and he went up on his toes to meet him halfway, and Adam’s lips were every bit as soft and warm and sweet as Kris had hoped they would be.

***

Epilogue

When you get a text from Kris Allen telling you to meet him in the bedroom in one hour, you do it.

Adam cut his gym session short, grabbed a shower, and managed to arrive home in forty-seven minutes flat.

The room was empty, but it wasn’t the rumpled mess they had left that morning. The bed was made with crisp white sheets and liberally sprinkled with red rose petals. Soft music was playing, and candles were lit, and Adam’s piles of boots and Kris’s piles of t-shirts had been hidden away somewhere.

Kris was nowhere to be seen.

For a moment, Adam just stood quietly, reveling in the feeling that Kris had done this for him. For them. He moved to the bed and picked up a rose petal, running it between his fingers.

“You’re early.” Kris’s voice was behind him. Adam smiled and waited, knowing that Kris would come closer, would wrap his arms around Adam’s chest, would bury his nose at the nape of Adam’s neck and breathe deeply, which always gave Adam an electric thrill.

He turned in Kris’s arms, happy to find him gloriously naked. “Looks to me like I’m just in time.”

“Happy carnation day.” Kris’s eyes glowed. He pulled Adam’s shirt over his head, slid down his sweatpants so Adam could toe them off. “Carnation day is naked this year.”

“Carnation day is naked every year.”

“Well, not the first year. You made me wait.” Kris tried to pout and failed. He kissed Adam to hide his pout-fail.

“Well. You were young and inexperienced, and just figuring things out and--”

“Carnation day is also silent this year.” Which was just fine by Adam. Bossy Kris was his favorite.

In movies and romance novels, rose petals behave. They provide a fragrant and silky cushion for lovers. They do not leave pink streaks all over the sheets or settle in sweaty crevices.

Some time later, as he peeled sticky rose petals off of Kris’s back and ass while Kris laughed into his pillow, Adam thought to himself that movies and romance novels were entirely overrated.


End file.
